Leaving loved ones brings mixed emotions. There’s this part of you that doesn’t want to think about how far away you will really be. And then there’s this part of you that is so excited to be that far away. But I always take comfort in the fact that nothing is permanent and everything changes and we tried to share that comfort with our loved ones when tears welled up in their eyes. Both happy and sad tears. So I suppose there are mixed emotions involved for everyone. For the mothers who are so proud yet, so sad that their babies are going off to a far away land to start a new life. For the fathers who watch their daughters run into the arms of another man and fly far far away. For the friends who feel like they just found the right couple to spend time with. And for the siblings who just never want to let go. It’s been both a joy and a heartache. It’s also been the most inspiring human thing to experience. True love.
I was raised in a broken home and in short, I ended up raising myself with some help from different role models I met throughout my childhood. Along the way I have hand selected phenomenal people to be my family. While I’ve had to be a lone wolf in a lot of ways, I’ve been able to experience the joy of family. For all that life has dealt, I’ve been incredibly blessed. I recently married into the greatest family I could’ve ever dreamed of. And I’ve just barely been able to sink my teeth into that. I’ve gotten to taste “normal” in a family dynamic. And it’s truly wonderful. Bradley and I have received so much support from our loved ones and it’s made this adventure both easy to start and very challenging all at the same time.
Then there are the furbabies. By far, the hardest loved ones for me to leave. I’m still not sure what that says about me, other than I may actually turn out to be a decent mother. This was what we prepared for first and was the most challenging to execute. We wavered back and forth on this subject a lot. The how and the when.
But first let me share this: When I first rescued my babies, I would’ve never thought about leaving them. It was never the intention. In fact, I probably would’ve looked down on someone who up and left not one, but four, furbabies after rescuing them. But as you grow and learn and experience life, you change. And a lot of life has happened to me since I rescued my girls. Because of this I was also deeply afraid of what people would think of me. A woman willing to give up the closest things she has to children must be horrible and without a soul. This was not the case though. And again, Bradley and I received overwhelming support and the best possible outcome for our situation.
We knew that it would be the most selfish thing to try and bring them. That’s always the first question people ask. The journey alone would cause immense stress and even trauma (our poor June and Rhiannon do not do well in new environments). And then once we arrived, we would be traveling and on the go with few places we could take them. No routines or consistencies, and animals need that. We even considered taking one animal, Genie, who is the most unaffected ride or die cat I have ever met. But again, that would be so selfish. Our biggest concern was our sweet Sadie Bear. She’s my first dog I’ve ever raised. She is a Pitbull mix who is every bit of a handful. She’s the greatest dog in the world, but she’s a hot mess in many ways. She would be the most challenging to rehome.
I had no idea what we were going to do until I met this amazing man through work in January 2020. He was the brightest light I had seen in a very long time. We were instant best friends. The first time he came over to our house, he and Sadie fell madly in love! They formed this precious relationship over time and I can’t quite remember the moment, but I just knew. He is who I wanted to raise my baby. Then he met this amazing girl who also fell in love with Sadie. And it was just perfect. When Bradley and I asked them if they would want to adopt Sadie from us and be her new Pawrents, there was no hesitation. And it was the biggest relief. I could maintain a relationship with my baby and she would be with some of my best friends in the world! Bradley’s sister and her girlfriend offered to take Genie and my baby sister and her husband offered to take June and Rhiannon. All our babies would stay in the family! I cannot begin to describe the gratitude and overwhelming love my heart has for these amazing people who took our babies in as their own.
I’m still in awe at how all this worked out. Even though our babies were going to be with family, it was still the hardest thing I have ever done. I decided to write letters to the new Pawrents of our babies from their perspective. I wanted our babies to have a voice going into new environments and I wanted them to be comforted by familiar love like they would from mom and dad. Writing the letters also started to prepare myself to let them go. Genie went first. Then Sadie. Then Rhiannon and June. From the time Genie left us, I wasn’t the same person. Sadie helped me through that a bit, but she was also sad Genie was gone too. Sadie and Genie had been together from the beginning. I was a complete mess when Sadie left. I couldn’t even look my dear friends in the eye the night they picked her up. It was too much. The night Rhiannon and June left was the last night we were in our house as well. Completely empty. Just us and our last two girls. When I watched them drive off into the night, the last parts of the furmom in me shattered and disintegrated. I sobbed deeply the entire 40 minute drive to Bradley’s parent’s house in Mesquite. Bradley let me. It was as if a whole part of me died that night when the last of my babies left. My heart has never ached like that. I hated myself. A lot.
It was awful and I was very desolate for several days after that. But my family knew, and it didn’t take long to start receiving pictures and status reports. And that’s what keeps me going now. Seeing my babies with new loves and adventures of their own! They are happy and with the best people I could’ve ever hoped for.
Not a day goes by that I don’t miss each one of those furbabies. I miss the smell of Sadie’s ears and the sound of her nose sniffs. She has the best pitty smile! I miss how soft Genie is and her boops in my face when she’s demanding lovins. I miss Rhiannon talking and her biscuits she loves to make all over me. And I miss June’s playful spirit and the funny noises she makes when she gets the zoomies. I miss them at night when it’s time for bed. And I miss every sweet kiss and I love you they give without any words.
Leaving loved ones willingly is hard. For as much as you know it’s the right thing to do for your life and your dreams, you always feel that pang of guilt. I don’t think that will ever go away. And for as much as technology irritates me sometimes, I’m so thankful to live in this world of instant messaging, video chatting, and WiFi. It makes the distance less daunting. I can still see the faces and hear the voices of our family and friends. I can still bug them and laugh with them and cry with them. I can still share life with them. And that’s what gives me the courage to do this and be brave.