The trip to our spot was a very tight fit with about 55 passengers on a 20 passenger boat plus luggage. We were all squished together for a sweaty 40 minutes until the first group was dropped off in Ao Nang. The entire time the boat was boarding I kept thinking to myself “there’s no way we are all going to fit” as I looked around at the group that had been waiting along with us at the station. But sure enough we did and we made it through the choppy ride to Railay after two stops.
Arriving in Railay was like coming home again. Such a lovely feeling docking up to the long pier at Railay East. The pier is the longest pier I have had to walk on during my travels and the boatmen always drop you off at the very beginning. It can be a real pain to walk on weighed down by bags in the sticky air and hot sun. We decided to stay at the Bhu Nga Thani resort again for a few nights since they were still offering a heavily discounted rate and we could use our points. We had really enjoyed our stay there and were looking forward to more of the resort being open this time. We quickly unpacked, suited up, and made our way to Phra Nang beach. We found a shady spot and watched the afternoon pass us by. The spectacled langurs had joined us in the tree above us and I watched them munch on leaves and show off their bright orange babies. It was such a privilege to witness.
Walking onto the main drag to grab some dinner, Railay had come alive. More places were open and backpackers were everywhere. It was not the ghost town we left just a few months earlier. I was so happy to see this place coming back. It reinforced hope. We watched the sunset from Railay West beach and the evening storms began to roll in. We went back to our room to enjoy our giant plunge tub and listened to the sounds of the jungle getting drenched by the rain.
The next day we laid around the pool and it was a completely different experience than our time in November. We were sharing the pool with other tourists, the sun was shining more than it was raining, and we enjoyed drinks from the swim up bar! It was a great time and we had world class service from the bartender whose name was “Free.” I loved his name, a name he chose for himself.
Watching the sunset never gets old and every chance we get to see one we make it a point to attend. On the far north end of Railay West beach a movie was being filmed and it had been closed off to everyone except the film crew. They were filming some kind of battle scene on the beach and there were explosions and a shootout with fake guns. I had never seen anything like that. The whole beach was getting a free show! The sunset that evening was also very memorable for me because it was as if the sea and sky were one. Everything was a blend of the softest shades of pale blue with the faintest glow of orange right in the middle. I had never seen a sunset quite like that before.
Making our way to a bar we saw a huge flock of bats on their evening trek from the caves to forage in the jungle on top of the cliffs. I adore bats and it was incredible watching them gracefully glide through the twilight. We stopped at Bang Bang Bar for a drink and Mr. Bang Bang told us about the “Ka kow” and how this time of year they fly over Railay for the fruits that grow in the jungle. I was intoxicated by the magic of the evening! Mr. Bang Bang made the best cocktails in Railay and his bar quickly became our favorite. We were the only patrons he had that first evening in his cozy little place and a beautiful friendship had begun to grow. He played good music and served with his heart. As it turns out, he is a local treasure and one of a kind! The man to know in Railay.
The next day we lounged at the pool again and I worked on writing. I had been struggling with my mental health the last couple days and experiencing a high amount of anxiety creeping on an incline. I took the day to work on myself, enjoy the sunshine and swim, and do things that calmed the storms inside me. That following day we made our way to the best cafe in Railay to visit Non and his family. We sipped on his famous Cha Yen and I was hoping for a peaceful day without any qualms.
Even though we were spending the day on Phra Nang beach and it was perfectly sunny, I was having a complete episode. For as hard as I tried to be thankful and enjoy the beautiful place I was in, I was a mess. My wonderful husband Bradley loved me through all of it. He held me in the ocean and let me collect all the seashells and shared in my small joy of discovery. He took care of me with the greatest patience and support. I didn’t want to feel the way I was feeling and it made my internal despair worse.
We moved from the resort to a really great place farther down the coastline of Railay East. The Rapala Rock Wood Resort was tucked higher up in the jungle and had its own restaurant, which ended up being our favorite place to eat with the best prices! There was even a sweet meatball of a bull dog who lived there and graced everyone with his snort filled presence and lots of love. Our bungalow was like a tree house and it was a perfect place to stay. We had a rooftop porch and we thoroughly enjoyed watching the nature and afternoon rain showers from the treetops. It was a great place to heal. We watched more sunsets, ate delicious food, and we started planning out our next few weeks to come.
It took some time, some work, and some TLC, but I began to come out on top in my battle with my mental health. We took it easy, enjoyed the beach, played, and gave thanks for being in our favorite spot. We spent some more time with Mr. Bang Bang, embraced getting caught in the storms, and soaked up the magic of watching Railay’s nature all around us.
It had come time to leave Railay because we needed to stop in Krabi town to extend our visa. The plan was to stay there a couple nights and hop over to Koh Lanta for a while, another island neither of us had been to. I was sad to leave as I always am, but this time it was a little different. I felt my anxiety and depression had robbed me of the full joy I could’ve been experiencing while we were there. I was upset that I had to go through what I did and I was angry that I still didn’t understand how I could feel that way in one of my safe places. It spoiled our precious time there. I had to work hard to push those thoughts away and stay focused. I was still fragile and I didn’t want to jump right back into those dark places.
I have been earnestly learning and unlearning. I have been challenging every part of myself on this journey. The road hasn’t always been easy but it has given me what I needed to grow and transcend my own limitations. I had to trust that and keep moving forward.
